Not sure what phase I was going through, but it was pretty bad. And distasteful. Recently, and I mean recently, I realized I have something beautiful, wonderful, and secure, and it's me  who's been the idiot taking my love for granted.

I'm not blaming my flaw, but acknowledging my habit of overlooking the good and focusing on the bad...is helping me. I realized it's I  who needs to change, no one else. How stupid am I to want something else outside of what I have? Why do I speak badly of someone who only wants to see me genuinely happy, no matter what? I've always dreamt of this relationship. But through the ugliness of my greedy mind, I never truly took a step back to stop and think: Why want more when you don't even know what you have? (This is quite relevant to my closet and need for clothes)

This man has been with me for over two years, through thick and thin, through distance, immaturity, along with the highs and lows of life. He may not be perfect, but who the hell am I to complain? He's dealt with my insecurities, "witchiness", weirdness, indecisiveness, drama, and my inability to clearly communicate anything. This man could have left me at any point and time, and after all we've gone through, he hasn't moved a bit. Despite me pushing him away (when secretly I wanted him closer), he was a phone call away. He's wine and dined me, he's taken me to all the places I need to go, he's pushed me to work hard and never failed to praise my achievements. His loyalty is even more comforting than his arms that keep me safe at night. His work ethic and passion is something to see, working late nights on things I could easily push aside as "it can wait til tomorrow." I could go on and on, and I hope that I will always remind myself of how great of a guy I have.

I am disgusted by my actions, thoughts, and wishes. All that energy I spent comparing and hoping should have went to cherishing and expressing gratitude to the only man who has made so much effort to be in my life.

Today, for some odd reason (it shouldn't be odd...should it haha), I want to proclaim my love for my baby boy, specifically on a high mountain top. Well, I don't live near one, and my shy boring self will just reside on my silly little blog...

I love you Milan, with all my heart, and I will do my best to do everything in my power to keep you happy and by my side for as long as I can.