I am so upset with myself and my behavior and my actions and did I say myself?
I have sacrificed SO much for other people.
No, not money, a goat, or anything like that. But something no one can make up for, no matter how much money or goats they give me.
Time.
I have skipped out on work (which gives me money), classes (which my money is currently being spent on) and assignments (that gives me grades that gives me money in the future).
I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my time being with them while skipping out on something I should have been doing, but like, was it worth it?
They obviously know its not worth spending their extra time on me, so why can't I do the same?
I'm not mad at the people who don't do the same, its not about that at all. I'm so mad that I expect them to. I'm bad that I do these things without putting ME first, why can't I be a little more selfish about my time? Yes I'm being selfish and own very bad time management skills for choosing loved ones over books but, others seem so fine and dandy choosing more important things over me, why can't I do the same?
Rambling? Yes. I'm just really upset.
First Love - Adele
2 comments:
I'm the same way... and then when I tell myself I deserve to be selfish, I end up feeling like a bad person. Don't get too down on yourself
you're right, and i really needed to hear that, because i ALWAYS feel bad for wanting someone more. i don't want anything but their time, and when they give their reason why, i feel bad for complaining in the first place.
:) thank you! feel better SOON!
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