01.28.1990

Happy Twenty One Year Anniversary Mother and Father!

I just hope they are as happy if not happier since the day they first fell in love. In these past 21 years together, they have traveled across the world to make their new lives by going to a country they've never been to, with little English. Little did they know they will successfully (well, I'd like to believe) raise two young adults without anyone's help but each others. Who knew they'd have a successful business, starting all the way from zero? Who would have thought that all those fights, tears, anger were just passionate ways to show their passionate love and support for each other.

Two young lovers, making an adventure to America. Basic education, Little English, few hundred dollars in the bank account, and an infinite amount of optimism is the formula to their huge achievement that just keeps growing. The reason behind it? My parents' trust love support communication perserverence and hope.

Thank you mom and dad for everything you've done for me, to let me be sitting here, in this wonderful dorm ,with the laptop they bought me, and their endless efforts to get me the education I need.

I just wish the best for you two, you deserve it!

I love you!

P.S. Milan's parents 21st anniversary is today too!

birth life death

I'm reading a chapter in my Child Psychology book about prenatal development. I think pregnancy and the whole process of developing an entire human being in your vagina is the greatest thing on Earth if you're asking me. If you think I'm being crude, then you're stupid.

Speaking of birth, I saw this image and it's a person's brain under an MRI scan right before they died. Before you die, your brain releases tons of Endorphins that make you feel a range of emotions. This is why when people die, they see the "light" and they feel so euphoric.

captain

I'm the worst person when it comes to having strong beliefs.

My bad habit is contradicting myself.

neuf mois

happy nine months, sir.

if we were an actual baby, we would be able to understand object permanence, start babbling, and kind of walk while holding onto things.

cool

food

I think I'M addicted to food. Like, no I don't eat all the time and yes I do get full. But I can think about food any minute of the day. While guys think about sex every 7 seconds (actually that's a myth) I think about food every 7 seconds. I think about all the things that I could be eating and tasting and my mouth literally waters. There has been times in class where I'm starving (I have the right to do so! I sometimes don't eat or don't eat enough and end up rotting for an hour and 15 minutes!)So while I'm in a lecture, I don't process what he or she is saying, I'm actually analyzing a Taco Bell menu and trying to figure out what to order. Or analyze my fridge from my seat in the classroom and decide what I should have for lunch.

I know I'm not like a serious case of this form of addiction, I really don't eat every time I think about food (for many reasons, mostly no access to it or lack of money to get what I want) but it has prevented me from sleeping or focusing in class (ONLY WHEN I'M HUNGRY)

Sure that's normal, but last night I couldn't sleep because I was just dreaming about heating up some pita and dipping it into creamy hummus and devouring it in seconds.

As my stomach grumbles, I will think about spaghetti and pesto while I bathe.

Yum.

hurt

I'm done with being vulnerable, being controlled, and having all my emotions based on one person.

I'm done.

cosmic love

Don't be fooled by my title, this day has been filled with everything but "love." fuck that.

easy A

I am so upset with myself and my behavior and my actions and did I say myself?
I have sacrificed SO much for other people.
No, not money, a goat, or anything like that. But something no one can make up for, no matter how much money or goats they give me.

Time.

I have skipped out on work (which gives me money), classes (which my money is currently being spent on) and assignments (that gives me grades that gives me money in the future).

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my time being with them while skipping out on something I should have been doing, but like, was it worth it?

They obviously know its not worth spending their extra time on me, so why can't I do the same?

I'm not mad at the people who don't do the same, its not about that at all. I'm so mad that I expect them to. I'm bad that I do these things without putting ME first, why can't I be a little more selfish about my time? Yes I'm being selfish and own very bad time management skills for choosing loved ones over books but, others seem so fine and dandy choosing more important things over me, why can't I do the same?

Rambling? Yes. I'm just really upset.

First Love - Adele

art school

I feel loved and wanted right now. not.

admiration

I admire this one professor of mine so much. There is a fine line between love and admiration, and I promise I haven't crossed it. I really admire this Dr. SO much. I wrote about him here before.
I had him last Spring for a class which I dropped halfway because I was light years behind and couldn't keep up. He was so upset when I told him and he said he'd do anything to help me out but I really couldn't take it. But I promised I'll take it next Spring, which I did :)
This morning I came into class 3 minutes before the time but he wasn't there. Classroom was PACKED, and I was hoping to sit in my usual seat from last year, the front row. Luckily, there was ONE spot open dead center of the first row, coincidence, I think not!

Sooo I waited for my admiree (?) to arrive and he did and he smiled to the class and he saw me and was like "Hey how are you!" The guy next to me said "I'm fine!" haha and so did I. Then Dr. was like "you were close to your old seat!" and I replied "almost!"
I really wanted to say, "I found a better one"

I'm not creepy. Stop laughing, I'm serious. And I hate it when people don't take me seriously at the wrong times.

He has been teaching at State since '72. He's traveled the world and knows SO much about different cultures and languages (hence the class I'm taking, duh.)

But seriously, he has never made me feel more appreciated AS A STUDENT than any other teacher I have had. Not saying none of my teachers cared about me, that is a lie. But he like, from the beginning took an interest in me without me sucking up to him or anything. I remember last year I'd come to class everyday, sit in the front row and would catch myself sleeping a bit. Or texting a lot. Or Neveeeeeeeeeeeeeeer participating in discussions. But he made me want to come to class everyday.

He's a nice wise intelligent man and I'm so glad to be able to know him and have him actually know about my presence.

first day

First day of classes start in a few hours, if it doesn't snow! (Please snow!)

I'm so ready for classes. Since I have been in college, I feel like everything I learn in my classes has followed me through this day. As in, I still use that information in everyday life. I love it! And I'm excited to learn more!

I'm TERRIFIED for calculus, it's like the most easiest calculus at State but since high school, I've had a "sick to my stomach" feeling just thinking about my 10:15am class MWF. I'm nervous, guys. I know I'll be fine but I think my nerves might take over me at the wrong times.

I have had the best two days with Milan<3 I'm SO glad he's back and I don't have to plan when to call him next!

I need to go to bed though so I'll be back later!

demain :)

Oh today was probably the most eventful day of the year so far. Okay it wasn't that great but comparatively to Jan 1 & 2, it was simply amazing.

I finalllllllllllllly got my bushy wild eyebrows tamed and my pretty apparent woman mustache removed! I'm all about imagery, baby!

While at the eyebrow lady's house, waiting for my mom to be done, I was playing with the lady's cutest and prettiest little girl ever! She was so adorable and she was so talkative. I remember when I was her age (ew did I just MAKE myself sound old?), I was pretty shy to people I didn't know!

We were playing with her Christmas gift, Connect 4 and randomly she's exclaims, "I'm 5!" And she really didn't know how to play the game, like she said, "I just like making the designs" with the red and yellow game pieces. Cue Awwwww.

Then we went shopping and I finally finalized someone's gifts because as you know, I'm super indecisive (I know, this will take me far in life hah) but with my mother's support (and purse) I was able to get it. And I'm quite happy with it :)

Also, I indulged in an Oreo ice cream from Bruster's, so heavenly and so fattening.

Later tonight I watched Lifetime, "My Family's Secret" which was about a dude with DID and "The Craiglist Killer" which was really dumb, but for some reason watching Lifetime movies make me feel more ... idk better (for the lack of "better" words). Yeah I just watched movies about psychopaths and serial killers and coocoos but Lifetime movies just are , idk, I like them. Someone find a theory for why a lot of women enjoy watching these low budget films, please!

While watching this movie I ate the most softest and delicious brownie ever, oh my god it was so good.

Then I realized how fat I am and ate 2 small bowls of blueberries hahaha.

Speaking of my overdose of calories, I decided to cut out cookies and/or ice cream for a few months. Nooooo I'm definitely not doing this for "New Year Resolutions", trust me. It's because I think my diet only consists of cookies and ice cream. Also, after some deep thinking, how pathetic can one be if you just wrote a poem about sweet delightful sugary...(snap out of it!!!) erm artery blockers?

Soooooo I initially was thinking to stop cookies but now I'm feeling cutting out ice cream. For like, lets make a goal here, March? Two months without two of your most favorite things in the world? It's like a win win for me, helps my weight diet and proves that I do actually have will power!!

P.S. to my new goal, this doesn't include candies, brownies, or cakes!! :D

But I should limit those too blah blah blah.

Bye bye cookie dough ice cream.

I have so much to do in these next few days before I'm back to school (& Milly!!!!!!)

1. FAFSA
2. Study Abroad Application
3. Pack everrrrrrrrrything.
4. See friends!
5. Laundry
6. Clean the house (help my mama out, apparently I don't!)
7. Buy some last minute things (I feel bad bc thats like mom's number one stressor!)
8. Ummmm actually wrap my gifts!
9. Make my cards for the gifts
10. IDK. but there must be more than 9 tasks!

Ohhhhhhhhh tomorrow is my appointment and I've never been so excited. FINALLY! I'm begging and hoping and praying to get some REAL answers. I'm tired of OTC cleansers and Googling quick fixes and tips and tricks because they don't work.

I know the basic things to fix my skin, hair out of eye, change pillow cases, DIET, products, but is it bad that I just want to hear it from a professional?

Well I get to hear it tomorrow at like 1pm, and I hope it's not the basic lecture I hear from everyone! I want answers and solutions please!!

Oh new thing on my infinite wish list!
http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/catalog/productdetail.jsp?subCategoryId=&id=943327&catId=ACCESSORIES-HAIR&pushId=ACCESSORIES-HAIR&popId=JEWELRYACCESSORIES&sortProperties=&navCount=85&navAction=top&fromCategoryPage=true&selectedProductSize=&selectedProductSize1=&color=013&isSubcategory=&isProduct=true&isBigImage=&templateType=D

Okay, I'll stop talking about me now.